As we grow old, we all get reflective about our life and the times in which we lived. Thousands of snapshots of events and words flash through our mind like a slide show. Some of these snapshots give me a feeling of elation, sometimes just wonderment and amazement, other snapshots give me a glowing and warm feeling, some make me feel sad.
Why did my life unfold as it did? No one will ever know for sure, but I believe we can all gain some understanding by studying the past.
Yuri Tritonov said, "History is not something that was. History is with us and in us." Only now in my old age can I begin understand the full truth and meaning of that statement.
Maybe someday science will even prove it. Recent studies with identical twins reared apart seem to confirm that genetics play an equal, if not more important role than environment, in the development of intelligence, behavior and personality characteristics. Even traits such as extroversion and the propensity toward religion have been traced to genetics.
As I take the time to study and reflect upon my ancestors, I am continually amazed at how much they have affected my life. Their decisions and reactions to the events of history molded some of our characteristics. Certainly their actions set the stage that brought my mother and father together.
Now that I have lived much of my life and can reflect upon my early childhood and my adult actions, I realize how much my father and mother's inherited and acquired physical and personality characteristics affected their own life, and later mine. I don't think anything was preordained, but all of these things had a great influence on our family and my own actions and thoughts.
It is too bad that when one is young we never have the interest or time for history, especially the history of one's own family. We only have the time to make our own new mistakes in our own way. How true it is "that those who are too busy to study history are doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again".
Over the ages, Grandparents are often accused telling the same stories over and over. Most of the time to the complete boredom of their children and grandchildren. It is not that the grandparents are old and senile, they are just frustrated. They have much to say and can't seem to say it. Their children rarely show interest or take the time or opportunity to listen. Much less try to understand and draw out their parent's complete story.
I guess I am just like everyone else at this age, I would like to believe my life had some meaning, not only to me while I lived it, but to others. As I look back at my parents and grandparents, I realize if I or someone does not record my actions and thoughts, future generations will only know of me by my name, birth & death and tax records, or recorded purchases such as real estate and like items. Maybe there will be picture, or maybe my life will be like the tree that fell in the forest with no one there. Will anyone know it ever existed?
Why does it matter? Some people say, "If you haven't said or done anything great enough for historians to record", what difference does it make, it is not worth recording. I disagree, everyone's story should be told, even at the risk of boring their descendants. Whether the descendants like it or not, their ancestor's life is very influential and meaningful to their own life. Am I satisfied with my life? Not completely, no one ever accomplishes everything they dream about. They have all said and done things they are ashamed of and sorry for. I am no different, I think I could have could have accomplish much more and still could, but I don't have a great frustration with things left undone. I have done more and accomplished more than I expected, when I started out as a young man.
Did I make a difference to this world? Certainly my children would have not been born. I am proud of my 3 sons, three nice daughters-in-law, 4 wonderful grandsons, all healthy. Even though my first marriage ended poorly it wasn't all bad, I have found happiness in my second marriage. I have survived the loss of great loves, enjoyed travel, adventure, experienced success and failure in my career(s), lived through danger and even near death. To be truthful, I find it interesting and therapeutic to review the events of my life and try to understand why things happened the way they did.
With those preliminary statements and using the excuse I want to help future generations, I will try tell my life story for myself and my descendants. I hope it is interesting to others and helpful to my descendents.
Oliver Titchenal, October 1991